Such a simple question can put so much into perspective. There’s no defined answer.
Everyone learns at an exclusive pace. But assuredly, with persistence, you’ll learn how to ride a bike.
How long did it take you?
It’s not something that anyone really worries about. You may have picked it up right away, or it could have taken a few weeks to get comfortable. In the end, does it matter? We can both ride bikes.
How long does it take to learn piano? Learn to code? Learn to bake?
Does it matter?
If you want to learn to do something, you just go at your tempo. And I think we all pretty much agree.
So why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? Compare ourselves to everyone else?
I. The Education System
There is one gripe I’ve got with our education system. It does a good job of instructing and assisting you to learn, but it assumes most people work at the same pace. If you’re ahead then you do extra work, and if you’re behind… better catch up. Assuming there is an 'ahead' and 'behind' is the problem.
Being in an environment like that for decades has created a pillar of comparison, one of many that support our society. I have written more about the idea of comparisons:
To quote myself:
“It’s an innate human trait. To fit in, to be valuable, to identify our worth. We compare attributes and characteristics that we consider to be valuable, such as a strength or speed. From some perspectives, the stronger and faster individuals are more desirable, and we aim to have the same fictitious impact as them.”
Although inherent, I think we’ve dialled it up to 11. We compare everything. How much I get paid compared to a co-worker, how busy someone else is compared to me, how this apple looks better than that one.
However, comparisons are not the problem; they’re essential. We need them to innovate. Propel our ideas, our selves forward.
II. The Assumption
The issue is the assumption that follows. We assume how people might be “better” than us, or more “accomplished”, “smarter”, “funnier” [insert desired adjective here].
I need not describe where following this line of thought leads. But if we can complete half the process, it’s a different game. Just stop at the comparison and don’t take it over into assumption. In words that you may have heard before:
“Don’t jump to conclusions.”
Avoid the subjective and stick to the objective. We don’t need to reason everything. “Better”, “worse”, “smarter”, “dumber”. As much as our human brains love to find explanations for everything, it's just one of the pitfalls we love. When you allow yourself to have no answer, no reason, and to simply let things be, it can be quite cathartic.
But why are we making assumptions and creating explanations? I think we’re just being lazy and fueling our own insecurities. It’s just an excuse. A common one:
“They’re prettier than me. I wish I was born like that.”
It’s a difficult realisation to confront—that, ultimately, there’s nothing you can do about your appearance.
Well, there is. But that’s a… cosmetic conversation.
First, this could be a subjective opinion. You might just be focusing on a facial feature that you like. So, objectively speaking, you may look just as "pretty".
But, the statement could also be objectively true. There are just people who have good-looking genes. Take a handful of A-List actors and you’ll get a good grip of the general trend.
And if objectively true, that’s great! Because you have an answer—the explanation. It’s out of your control how you look. And there is nothing you can do to resemble them without losing your own identity.
III. The Right Question
Humans are designed for innovation. So naturally, we emphasise areas for improvement.
Someone may have the face of a cricket bat used for baseball, but can perform the most eloquent orchestration on a grand piano.
Individual characteristics don’t define your entire worth. Which is why we still have tyrants operating businesses and geniuses flailing in third-world nations.
We are exceptionally skilled at comparing individual characteristics. It is specific and measurable (generally). But sometimes we’re just comparing the wrong things. We set ourselves up for disappointment. Like the above, there’s no situation where you win. If all the worth is tied to appearance, they win. Every time. But if the worth is tied to how likeable you are… that opens up a world of options.
It’s about asking the right question and comparing something you truly value.
Consider making comparisons with admiration, not envy. They both begin with "I wish", but their subsequent sentences are entirely different.
Stay safe, and pass-it-on.