Don’t be an item on someone else’s to-do list
The top-tier of getting everything done – the sacred "to-do" list.
Productivity. Efficiency. They are omnipresent.
Ensure you go over your morning to-do list and cross off three items to begin your day on the best possible note. We all know if you don't know this you're not going to capitalise the day like you could.
But hey, maybe you do this – it’s your to-do list. But what about when we are on someone else's?
It may be challenging to envision what this looks like, but here are some simple examples:
Messages
Emails
Getting asked to stay back at work
Hey, can you do this one thing on Saturday that will take 10 minutes?
We help one another; it’s what humans do. We are a social species. Whether we receive a notification or someone directly seeks our aid, we genuinely want to help. It's instinct. However, this type of generosity can often come in the way of your own plans and activities.
A to-do list (in my view) is just a range of tasks that need to be fulfilled. They may have no immediate impact, but they will cause problems if not addressed.
I'm sure we've all been there at work; we receive a message, email, or god forbid a phone call from someone who needs something done ASAP. They'd “really appreciate it” if you took care of this for them. And we all know when we hear those dreaded words, we regretfully oblige.
Why are we inclined to respect other people's time but not our own?
I routinely say, “sure, I can get it done.”
And even though I can, should I?
Helping others is not the problem; it's how the world works. I feel we have difficulty keeping to our own plans.
We control our own schedules, we are the exclusive consultee when it concerns only one (i.e. you). And guess what’s missing in our personal schedules? Other people.
Why is this the case? Why am I happy to spend my personal time for others but not for myself?
I like to suppose I keep high standards. I try to stay busy and strive to be an all-absorbing sponge.
But like literally everyone else, I have a list of things I want to complete that I just don’t.
Hang some art in my room
Learn a song on the piano
Create some photo books of previous years
Especially that first one. I’ve got the art sitting here. I don’t even need to pick it out; it just needs to go on the wall. But why haven’t I done it?
I don’t think I lack self-respect or discipline. I think it’s just being a human.
We live in tribes – communities. We have our own network of peers with whom we interact. Without it, we would be similar to many other animals; putting ourselves first. And while you may think you do, I believe we are constantly acting with the interest of others in mind.
While not everything you do will be directly for someone else, it will undoubtedly have effects. Assume I live alone and go food shopping. Because there is only one person who requires food, it is all for me. But what about the choices I make when purchasing food?
“I shouldn’t support the meat industry.”
“I should buy things with less plastic.”
“Do I really need 11 apples?”
Although each of these sentences contains the word "I," they are all considerate of a much bigger ecosystem.
Knowing that what I do may influence another person is encouraging. I want that to be the case. However, when something is solely for my benefit... unless it is truly going to revolutionise my life... I can afford to let it slide for another week... or two.
What is the solution to this? I propose: Language and intent.
Install artwork in my study to provide visitors with something to ponder on.
Become adept on the piano so that you can perform for others when the opportunity presents itself.
Create "memory books" to display on the coffee table.
To-do lists are primarily composed of tasks without a written purpose. All of our tasks have a purpose; otherwise we wouldn't do them. We simply do not assign meaning to our to-do lists. And occasionally, this can cause us to lose sight of the why behind our efforts. That amended list above explains why those things have been added to my to-do list. Even if they benefit me, extrinsic motivation gives them purpose.
Hold on.
Is purpose only validated by other people? What about my calling? What about all the skills and ideas I have? DOES ANYTHING MEAN ANYTHING WITHOUT OTHER PEOPLE?
Validity is another question, but I think I can say that true purpose is for others.
Say I did nothing more than sit in the sun and read a book. It's a "just-for-me" act. I'm doing it to unwind, rest, and rejuvenate. That can be enough of a reason, but dig a little deeper and it’s to be prepared to socialise and work when necessary. While this break is for me now, it will affect the next person I connect with. We are all aware of when we haven't rested well or of that person who is constantly overworked. It is never fruitful.
“I want to save the environment.”
At first glance, perhaps a purpose. But as above, purpose isn’t the act – it’s the why.
Why I am taking a “break for myself” or why I want to "save the environment” are how we assign meaning to the things we do. And if you dig deep enough, you'll find the people it affects.
Simon Sinek has covered the “Why” very thoroughly, and I suggest having a watch of his 2009 TEDx Talk (18 mins) that sparked this ‘movement’.
A quick tip to quickly add a why – just place the words “so that” to the end of your task or act.
“I want to save the environment so that…”
So should you be an item on someone else’s to-do list?
Nope. Nobody wants to be an item. I have more important things to do than be another person's thing.
So instead, I would phrase it as:
Should I be a purpose on someone else’s to-do list?
I sure hope so. Even indirectly. Just like installing artwork on the wall is for “visitors”. It’s general, not specific, but indirectly affects everyone.
You may not be able to control someone else’s list, but you definitely have control over your own.
You never know how spending time for yourself will affect others, so rather than simply writing a "to-do list," write down the task's purpose and also the “tasks” that are “just for you”. They’ll influence more than just you; I guarantee it.
And maybe change the name from a “to-do list” to something else, it’s a little outdated.
Stay safe, and pass-it-on.